Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Struggle to Finish

Finishing has always been a strugle for me. 
Finishing: the week leading into vacation, a big project, studying for the big exam, most books I start.  I think it's mostly to do with fear.  Usually hidden, but if examined, it's there.  Fear for what's next, of failure, guilt or not living up to our own standards.  Some is just do to distraction (books). 

Ironically there are certain things that I'm strongly driven to complete:  movies, TV shows, dinner :) and run races.  There are few things that have compared to the adrenaline rush I get when the finish line is in sight.  Hidden reserves are used to increase speed until I all but collapse at the finish line.  Notice that these items are relatively short and some easy compared to the first list.  I'm great at pouring into something for short intense bursts, but when the excitement and interest wanes, (or a shiny squirrel runs by)..most hope is lost.

Training for 12 weeks has been a stretch for me and this week has been hard with plenty of excuses.  I ran today at noon and meant to do a short relaxed run, but ended up pushing it harder and it with the temp was more exhausting.   I will now debate each hour for the next few days whether I will run one more time or worry that my legs will get used to the rest.

The areas of life that require my ongoing interest, attention and involvement can wax and wane at times.  Focusing on being a husband, father, employee etc. as individual priorities, each weighted with my own personal expectations can be daunting and an impossible perfection.  Each miscue or neglect giving the fear a foothold.

Thankfully I have been freed from this burden of balancing these plates.  Instead I can focus on following Christ and run the race with my gaze on the prize set before me.  Priorities disolve into living by the moment supported by Grace.  Although some days it feels like a 5k and other times an Ironman.  Either way we are experiencing a taste of whats to come and seeing our boys again is just a crumb of that feast.

Well, I'm glad the run will be at 7:30 am because it looks to be rather warm that day and the cooler it is, the better.  I hope I can stay focused for 6.2 miles at my race pace.  I'm not worried about finishing this race, because even if I fail to meet my time goal, this one means so much more.

It's hard to believe it's almost here...

Lovingly supported by you all,

Stu and Tashia

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