Friday, June 21, 2013

Remembering Anthony James 6-21-06

This morning we are waking up on Anthony's birthday.  I honestly would likely have missed it had we not already have plans to go to the grave site today, the timing of the race and also Abby telling her Great Grandma yesterday that she was hoping to go swimming on Tony's birthday.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, that visiting the site is well, awkward.  Our only memories of this place are those of the interment, picking out the markers and other subsequent visits.  We go to honor them, place flowers, but I don't think we go their needing to "remember" them.  There is somber, melancholy mood for sure, but attempts to manufacture deep grief fail.

Today I'm remembering one of the happiest days of my life.  To rank it above or below other days would be a disservice to them all.  They are special in their unique way and joy comes in many forms.

It wasn't long after marriage that we decided anxiously to start a family.  Experiencing our first miscarriage was an extremely hard thing to go through and reinforced how much a gift our kids really are.   Being unable to control my strong emotions, it was no surprise that I was overcome by this new blessing of life: my son.  I was humbled and brought to my knees with praise.  A joy that only a new father knows.

The first day (they all run together after that) was amazing.  Other than a few peculiar physical details that at the moment weren't troubling, we had a perfect baby boy and every time we said his name, compared his features to ours and simply cared for him, we basked in the joy of new parenthood.

It's amazing how precious a day can be.  One day special day that will always be ours.

It's comforting and encouraging to look back and see how we were lifted up during this time, supported, cared for and blessed beyond measure.  This race has allowed us to experience this support again and be humbled by love.

The timing of today is fitting, as we are able to remember and grieve, then move on to enjoying this experience before us.  Also, hopefully will allow me to have the energy replaced to run and maybe get to the end before becoming overwhelmed by many more emotions.

So much for a cool race.  It will be about 71 degrees, but 97% humidity and will get up to 95 heat index by the end of the day.  We are hoping for showers during the run. 

Thankful we are not alone on our journey,

Stu, Tashia and family