Course is set. Destination: only God knows

Times flies and yet again we haven't done well updating our blog. Well, hopefully now it's expected as the norm. I'm sure when the adoption process begins to finish there will a bit of a flurry of posts. It's bad when you have to re-read old posts to see where we left off.

Wow, now I really feel bad seeing that when we last left you we were "leaning toward infant adoption" and now we have been approved to adopt!!! We did decide on infant adoption, open to any race/gender 0-3 months and open or closed adoption. Our only exclusions were major disabilities or major substance abuse of parent as we aren't confident that we would be ready for that.

We have completed all the paperwork. Which is like buying a house except the background checks are much more intensive. Three home study visits are complete: two at a neutral site and one at the "home". Home study has been approved. Online courses are completed. One last day of classes in Blue Earth this Saturday (12/5), but we are already in the "pool".

I say pool because it's not really a waiting list. The birth mothers choose the adoptive parents by looking at their photo album showing their family. We did ours online and it's basically a scrapbook with a letter at the front. Here is the if you would like to view it.

Our agency, New Horizon's works in 3 states and we could get a child from any of SD, Minn or Iowa. If they have too many waiting families and we are open to it (we are) they will also move some to a North Carolina affiliate.

Also, if they still need more outlets, they have a Christian network of agencies that we could be sent to, but those are a bit more expensive and we will make that call if we come to it. We were surprised to find out that families in northern states are about 2x as likely to adopt an African American baby as those in the south.

So far we have been very impressed by New Horizons as they are very thorough and provide an excellent service and keep expenses much lower than others. This was the main reason we chose them from a few others. They really do their best to protect the adoptive families while providing every bit of help and assistance for the mothers and child as well. They even take the mother out for a shopping day and spend some money for their new size of clothes after they have the baby.

After going through the preliminary process, we are confident they are also picking the best families to raise these children and are humbled to be approved for 1 or 2(twins) children. If you ask Abby if she wants a brother or a sister, firmly and consistently says "no, I need both". Seems our pastor isn't the only one praying for multiples for us. (He has triplets, oh my)

This came about a bit faster than we expected as we were planning on needing some time to raise funding for this as we estimate it will total about $18,000 when we are complete. There is a tax credit, but that would have taken a few years to recoup back that investment so we didn't want to use loans or credit. Not a surprise for Financial Peace University grads right?

Anyway we were totally amazed to have almost all of that amount gifted to us in advance from family and church friends, unsolicited. We can't really truly be surprised anymore after the way God has blessed us already in life, but we will always be amazed and humbled!! And very thankful. Isn't God Great?!! Needless to say, this gave us the "kick in the pants" we needed and is the main reason we are at this point in just a few months. I must add that Tashia was very motivated! It has been exiting to have this support.

So, we are now waiting for news of when a mother chooses us. She may be in early or late pregnancy, even the day of birth. There is a decent chance that she would change her mind, but it would be before we take possession. Once the baby is born we would be able to visit during the waiting period while it is in foster care. When the waiting period is complete, which is days or a few weeks depending on the state, the baby would be ready to be placed. After this point it is very very rare that there would be any risk of losing the baby after this point. One of the many benefits to using an agency.

Hurry and wait. Tashia seems to be a bit more anxious, but not quite nervous at this point of not knowing when, where or how much. It could be quick as in weeks or it could up to or over a year, but not likely that long. We both are confident in God's timing and that he already knows the plans for our life as always. We do have names almost finalized.

All that and such a small part of everything else that goes on with life. We will try to fill in a few other details of the summer. Thankfully November has been great weather after Oct.

We are ready for snow as we put in a new sidewalk running along the boulevard in front of our house. It was to the point of getting a notice from the city. Stuart is definitely looking forward to at least one snow to try out scooping the smooth walk. He put it in with some big help from friends. Small town has it's privileges.

There was also a medium sized maple tree behind the house that needed to go from huge trunk damage and rot. We hired a neighbor to cut off the top of the tree and Stuart felled the tree by digging around the roots and cutting them off. Then he was a bit too exited to use his chainsaw for the first time in a few years. It only took one day, the last time he dug out a stump it took a few months and was more than he bargained for. Some say he is frugal, but he actually enjoys it. I'm sure the therapists have a named condition for it.

The summer was also relaxing, but we didn't get around to camping until the weekend before labor day for one night. It had been a few years and we found out that Iowa has plenty of red necks too. Abby had fun and we hope to do much more this year depending on how adoption works into it.

We had a few nice days playing and picnics in the city parks, parades, bike rides, running and just relaxing in the yard. Abby has a pair of children her age on each side of us and it's fun to see them all play after work. Stuart ran two 5k's and Tashia ran her first in Ida Grove. She only planned on walking it as she had trouble with injuries but she amazed us all and ran almost the whole thing on a very muggy morning. Seems we are both stubborn and persistent, usually in a good way.

Stuart has been battling sinus infections more in the recent years since his successful surgery 8 years ago. He had another one done last week that went well and is trying to get over the infection after 10 weeks of antibiotics. We go in tomorrow for a follow-up. He is very anxious to getting back to exercising as it is very draining. Tashia has done a great job putting up with him as many know he gets rather crabby with them. Especially if he's hungry as well!

Work has been slow at Midwest for Stuart. This has created many challenges and exiting opportunities for him and things are looking up for the start of the year.

We just finished 13 weeks of Financial Peace University. Stuart led the discussion group and Tashia ran the nursery. She deserves a raise:) It went well and is a very impressive and worthwhile program.

Two weeks ago we traveled up to the twin cities for the SDSU football game and from there Tashia and Stuart continued on to Chicago, while Abby spent the week with Nana and Pappa Uken. Stuart attended two full days of FABTECH, a fabrication expo show for work, while Tashia relaxed at the hotel. Who would have thought that the third week of November would be that bearable there.

We had one day and three nights to see the sites and get a "taste" of Chicago. The Cloud Gate at Millenium park was interesting, Navy Pier was good, but would be better in the summer. The food was good, but there were highs and lows. The highs were without a doubt Garrett's popcorn and Portillo's hot dogs. Yes that's right popcorn and hot dogs. Gino's pizza was a bit of a let down and Big Bowl Thai was a bit too much different than typical Thai.


Wrapping this up, we did an great outdoor photo shoot in Sioux Falls. We were very pleased with the shoot and the pictures. See for yourself, after clicking the link, go to "proof" and type "abby". Two very pretty ladies huh? Editors note: And a pretty handsome guy if I do say so myself.


Hope that was all coherent and I'm sure we missed a few things, but those should be the big highlights.



Trying to be still and wait,

Stu and the Glamor Girls


PS - Thanks for those that continue to check the un-updated blog. It encourages us to keep this going and we are thankful for your faithful visits. And thanks for all your continued prayers during the adoption process.

PPS - Also, please pray for a friends family as their immediate safety is a concern. Pray also for the individual suffering from depression.

Bitter Sweet

Anthony's birthday falls on Father's Day this year. We remember all our children on these type of days, but the boys' birthdays and the day they passed on to a better life are tough in their own way. Even after three years they hit us a few days before. We get moody and crabby with each other and don't realize right away that it still affects us.

They do get a bit easier with every year that passes, but they are still hard. There are so many of these days in the first half of the year now for us. Memorial day weekend is also hard. Still one more date to go in August. We especially appreciate those that remember these days with us and bring up our boys and experiences in conversations with us. I'm not sure that we would ever not want to talk about them.

Our memorial garden turned out very well and only have a plant or two to add. Dad worked really hard for a few days to get it done as he has issues with wrapping up projects. This one was important to us and was a constructive way to spend remembering James on his birthday. As you can see, Abby was a big help with the project and loves to be doing what ever Daddy is doing. He really appreciates a daughter that isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. It really is uncanny how much she is like her Dad.

Abby continues to amaze us and bring joy into our lives everyday. We are in the middle of potty training (for the 3rd time) and she seems to be ready for it this time. She has been doing very good as it finally clicked. Now if she would only go #2 we would be good to go. We also used cloth training pants this time so she gets wet when she has an accident. Pull ups are great in concept but don't seem to faze our Miss Abby as it is to much like a diaper to her. Dad is having a hard time adjusting to all the ins and outs though.

She loves to talk and carry on conversations which are tough to follow. Usually if you can pick out a word, you can figure out what she is talking about. What Abby lacks in size, she has in agility and determination. Here she is climbing up a fairly steep slide at the secluded park that Dad takes her to.


Dad finally broke down and Mom purchased a DVD for the van for "long trips" only. You can see that it helps pass the time well.

This weekend is our Heritage Days for Ida Grove with a run/walk, duck race, rides, eating and parade. So daddy has been training for a 5K run and mommy of course injured herself so will be walking the 5K. Mommy thinks it is God's way of telling her she is not a runner. Although we know that is just her excuse. But she has been working our hard again to lose weight and get into shape. With potty training she doesn't have much time to do much else.

Grandpa and Grandma Uken will be coming down this week and we are all going to Omaha for a few days. Abby hopes to meet Elmo live at the Children's museum and we will also go to the zoo and a few other attractions. It's only an 1 1/2 hours from here, but we don't get there often enough.

We are trying to enjoy this summer as we haven't been able to take advantage of that the last few years. We haven't camped yet, but would like to soon. This fall we will begin to pursue plans to expand our family if it's God's will. We are strongly leaning to adopting an infant if possible.

Thanks for checking in on us and hope to see you soon. We aren't the best at posting on the blog anymore, but you can take that as a sign that things are going very well for us.


Until next time,

Stu, Tashia and Abby in training

We really miss our Little Dude

James' birthday is Thursday 4/23. Just like Tony's, it sneaks up on us and pretty much hits us harder than we are used to. We will be out of town three different weekends in May so we decided not to go back to SF to visit the grave site next week. Instead we will be working on the boys' memorial garden in front our house.

We started it last year by clearing out the juniper bushes. This morning Stuart moved the two big rocks, one has to be at least 400lbs. Then he removed some stone edging, leveled the dirt and arranged small retaining wall blocks and plastic edging to finish the design side. It was lightly raining so it was a bit messy but not a major obstacle.

Next week we will need to fill in the low spots and behind the blocks with dirt. We hope to be able to get the mulch and plant flowers on Saturday. It should give us something constructive to do while still remembering him.

Last night we attended the Michael W. Smith/Steven Curtis Chapman concert in the Sioux City Orpheum along with a few friends. We all had a great time. We both enjoy their music and they played a few songs that are very special to us. It was emotional at times but also healing. Chapman spent time talking about his trial and that was an encouragement to us.

Abby is still amazing us every day. She's just a wonderful little girl and brings us such joy. It's quite the mix of emotions that we can experience. It's a concrete example of "joy amidst the pain". She is still as social as ever and loves to go to the park with her friends.

We haven't moved too far on either Adoption or Foster care. There isn't a big rush for us and still seem to change our thoughts on it week to week. We are planning on enjoying this spring and summer. But we know all too well it will depend on what God has planned for us.

Thanks for all of you that continue to pray for us.

Looking forward to our boys again,

Stu, Tashia and Abby

Happy 2nd Birthday Abby!!

The weekend started out with Nana and Papa coming Friday night for the weekend. Followed by Uncle Mike and Cara coming today to help celebrate her birthday. We decided not to do big parties as she is only 2 and won't remember yet. We had lunch, an Elmo cake and presents. Which she enjoyed. Although she wouldn't have cared if anyone including mommy and daddy were there as long as Uncle Mike was here. She loves her Uncle Mike. Thanks Uncle Mike and Cara for making the drive down. We celebrated with Tashia's family last weekend and Abby had lots of fun playing with her cousins Cadin, Kenzie, Landon and Kallie. She also enjoyed her presents. Thanks for the gifts. We will update again soon with pictures but wanted to at least post a Happy Birthday on her birthday.

Happy Birthday Abby!!

We love you!!

A New Year

Dad decided to put Abby in a box against her will. Once in there she wouldn't come out! Our first round of potty training had mixed results. We decided to back off and wait longer. She wants to use it periodically, she just doesn't "use" it.

Abby has been growing fast and you can't tell she was a premie anymore. She's been in a toddler bed now for a few months. We just weened Mom off of staying in the room until she's asleep.

Tashia is going away for the weekend to scrapbook with friends. It's her first time away and dad's 1st time with Abby. He could stay and brave it alone, but instead will head back to enlist the help of the grandparents. It wasn't too hard to talk them into it!

We continue to be amazed at the billing system of heath care. Yesterday we received a two page bill for 20 cents! This was due to paying a bill one day late. They were aware that we had to reprocess the claim (another story). The funny thing is, we know that if we do not pay this that we will eventually have a collection agency after us. This happened when we were not aware that we had an outstanding bill of less than $2 to another heath facility. Thought we would share our amusing experience. We may have someone we know drop by and give them a quarter. They can keep the change. (Don't get us started on HIPAA)

Well, back to our family. Many ask us what's next on our plans for children. We still want more and have decided not to have any more on our own. It's not that we are afraid that we couldn't do it if we had another EB child. We know God would see us through again.

Through time and prayer we are still feeling led to adopt a child. We would really love another infant as we have yet to care for a child between 2 and 7 months old and really like caring for babies.

We are just beginning the process of getting information and deciding which avenue to take. Financially we are getting ourselves ready so we can act when the opportunity presents itself. We know it can take years and would like to fill an immediate need if possible. So, we are also looking into foster care. Again, that is also a process with it's own risks and trials.

Our desire long term would be to adopt and/or foster older children that are unable to get placed. Before that we would like to raise our children for experience and also to be role models for those youth.

All of this is going to require us to be patient and wait on God's timing. It could turn out that this is not where he wants to lead us, but we sure hope so!

Blessings to you all this year,

Stu, Tashia and Abby-in-a-box