Remembering Anthony James 6-21-06

This morning we are waking up on Anthony's birthday.  I honestly would likely have missed it had we not already have plans to go to the grave site today, the timing of the race and also Abby telling her Great Grandma yesterday that she was hoping to go swimming on Tony's birthday.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, that visiting the site is well, awkward.  Our only memories of this place are those of the interment, picking out the markers and other subsequent visits.  We go to honor them, place flowers, but I don't think we go their needing to "remember" them.  There is somber, melancholy mood for sure, but attempts to manufacture deep grief fail.

Today I'm remembering one of the happiest days of my life.  To rank it above or below other days would be a disservice to them all.  They are special in their unique way and joy comes in many forms.

It wasn't long after marriage that we decided anxiously to start a family.  Experiencing our first miscarriage was an extremely hard thing to go through and reinforced how much a gift our kids really are.   Being unable to control my strong emotions, it was no surprise that I was overcome by this new blessing of life: my son.  I was humbled and brought to my knees with praise.  A joy that only a new father knows.

The first day (they all run together after that) was amazing.  Other than a few peculiar physical details that at the moment weren't troubling, we had a perfect baby boy and every time we said his name, compared his features to ours and simply cared for him, we basked in the joy of new parenthood.


It's amazing how precious a day can be.  One day special day that will always be ours.

It's comforting and encouraging to look back and see how we were lifted up during this time, supported, cared for and blessed beyond measure.  This race has allowed us to experience this support again and be humbled by love.

The timing of today is fitting, as we are able to remember and grieve, then move on to enjoying this experience before us.  Also, hopefully will allow me to have the energy replaced to run and maybe get to the end before becoming overwhelmed by many more emotions.

So much for a cool race.  It will be about 71 degrees, but 97% humidity and will get up to 95 heat index by the end of the day.  We are hoping for showers during the run. 


Thankful we are not alone on our journey,

Stu, Tashia and family

Struggle to Finish

Finishing has always been a strugle for me. 

Finishing: the week leading into vacation, a big project, studying for the big exam, most books I start.  I think it's mostly to do with fear.  Usually hidden, but if examined, it's there.  Fear for what's next, of failure, guilt or not living up to our own standards.  Some is just do to distraction (books). 

Ironically there are certain things that I'm strongly driven to complete:  movies, TV shows, dinner :) and run races.  There are few things that have compared to the adrenaline rush I get when the finish line is in sight.  Hidden reserves are used to increase speed until I all but collapse at the finish line.  Notice that these items are relatively short and some easy compared to the first list.  I'm great at pouring into something for short intense bursts, but when the excitement and interest wanes, (or a shiny squirrel runs by)..most hope is lost.

Training for 12 weeks has been a stretch for me and this week has been hard with plenty of excuses.  I ran today at noon and meant to do a short relaxed run, but ended up pushing it harder and it with the temp was more exhausting.   I will now debate each hour for the next few days whether I will run one more time or worry that my legs will get used to the rest.

The areas of life that require my ongoing interest, attention and involvement can wax and wane at times.  Focusing on being a husband, father, employee etc. as individual priorities, each weighted with my own personal expectations can be daunting and an impossible perfection.  Each miscue or neglect giving the fear a foothold.

Thankfully I have been freed from this burden of balancing these plates.  Instead I can focus on following Christ and run the race with my gaze on the prize set before me.  Priorities disolve into living by the moment supported by Grace.  Although some days it feels like a 5k and other times an Ironman.  Either way we are experiencing a taste of whats to come and seeing our boys again is just a crumb of that feast.

Well, I'm glad the run will be at 7:30 am because it looks to be rather warm that day and the cooler it is, the better.  I hope I can stay focused for 6.2 miles at my race pace.  I'm not worried about finishing this race, because even if I fail to meet my time goal, this one means so much more.

It's hard to believe it's almost here...

Lovingly supported by you all,

Stu and Tashia

1 Week to Go!

Well, I seemed to be looking for excuses not to run the 8 miles today that I had marked penciled out 11 weeks ago in my plan.  I even forgot to turn off the trail to take the more gradual hill.  For awhile I was thinking if I just made it to 7.2 I could have that accomplishment of a personal best.  Well towards the end I was thinking it would be wise to stop around 6 or 6.5.

I turned off the trail and took a street/highway to give me the option of going farther.  It was just starting to rain hard drops but wasn't steady enough to make a difference.  As this small cloud past it intensified and the steady cold rain was enough to cool me down and give me a final wind.  This song happened to be playing: You Revive Me (Lord).  It's usually playing during my walk back to the house.  I ended up pushing hard out of town and coming back in to make it to 8 miles.  I may feel it a bit for a few days and will have less energy today, but it felt great to get there. 



Race Location:
Harriet Park - St. Paul

Overheating has always been a challenge for me. With the cool spring, this warmer week has been crucial in tempering me to the higher temps and sun and has given me the confidence I need.  Tuesday was brutal, about 85 and 90+ humidity.  I don't sweat enough for that situation and after 3.6 I was well overheated.  It's probably the worst since the first time I ever ran 3 miles when it was about 95 in SF.  The run is at 8:30 and so far it looks like the weather should be better than I had at noon on Thursay and that run was much better even at race pace.

I have really enjoyed these longer slower runs as I have enough oxygen to think and meditate.  Today it was nice to have a few new songs in my Ipod playlist.  After hearing the others so much in the same order they are more background.  During one of the songs it dawned on my that this short training journey (12 weeks) is the same amount of time we had with both Tony and James.  Although we had much longer through the pregnancy, when they arrived we were consumed by their care. It is much the same for this race.

And, the Then What? is much or should be much the same as well.  It will abruptly end, recovery will be much quicker and life will go on.  Talk of the race and experience will fade and other pursuits and joys will fill our lives.   Except we will be different because of this trial and testing of our bodies.  We will be stronger and healthier because of it.  Trials are by nature difficult, but it's how we react and what pulls us through that shapes what we will become.  Just as with our boys, we have chosen to do this together and support each other and that has been the biggest blessing out of both.

Stu and Tashia

http://support.childrenscancer.org/goto/StuartUken

10 Days and Then What?

10 days until the Race.  3  more training runs out of about 30.   13 miles left of approx 150.  Then 10k and then what?



From Mom's Race Page

As I mentioned on my run page I'm running for many reasons, but obviously we wouldn't be if it wasn't for Anthony and James.  It's been great striving for something that involves remembering them.  Especially since life moves on and it's rare that discussions involve our first two boys.  Once the run is complete, then what?

Life has been great and we have a blast as a family and it's been said we have gotten through it, but we will never be over it. 

We are only one family touched by the pain of loss and such have only our perspective.  But I would be suprised if this didn't apply to most that have lost a loved one:

If we mention that we have a boy and girl with us and two more boys in heaven, this means a few things - we think enough of you to share this information - they are a part of us and it seems wrong if we don't - this is an open invitation to ask about them (if we get emotional, that is a good thing, and is part of the process and believe it or not has deep roots in joy) - we are not looking for sympathy or any comments as such - we are more than open to listen to your experiences, hurts loss etc. - we are proud - we are blessed - we are loved and we have Hope!

While running the other day I pondered the "Then what?  No, not Disneyland.  All joking aside the end of the race may be quite difficult for this reason.  Spring is the hardest especially with gloomy weather.  Our 4 memorial dates start in late April  and in the past we have built memorial gardens and in subsequent years planted in them.  But it has been good to have something longer that involves planning so I thought of similar ideas for the future.  I think that would be a good thing.  Not time consuming, but with duration and distance.

Tashia wanted this song on her new Ipod, so I happened to watch the video for the first time yesterday.  I've heard it before but haven't paid attention to the lyrics.  It provides a small glimpse of our journey.  Through it all we have had our sights on the "joy that's coming", but honestly we have had much blessings, dare I say joy in the midst. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=New8i_eX3x8

Race Page:

http://support.childrenscancer.org/goto/stuartuken

Running the race,

Stuart, Tashia, Abby, Isaiah and our two boys basking in the Son's glory - Anthony Gordon and James Glen

Shoes, a Watch and some tunes.

In our training for the race two things that have made all the difference:


New shoes and a running watch. My last pair of shoes treated me well, but after 2 years of on/off running and some daily use they were causing more harm than good. I had another pair of shoes that also agravated some chronic heel pain.

Just before we started this adventure we stopped at a local running store and were fitted with the new Brooks. These shoes have been perfect for me and have elimenated most pain for Tashia as well. Proper shoes should be the first item that a runner should upgrade.

For Tashia's birthday we purchased a Garmin 10 watch that tracks pace and distance. I've borrowed it on my run (thankfully it's green and not pink!) and it's allowed me to be more relaxed and also is a great tool for paced runs. Add my existing Ipod shuffle her new Ipod nano and we have had some great runs.

It's been great to run together and since I'm training for the 10k our paces have been closer to make that possible. While a 5k and 10k aren't much in the running world, for two out of shape novices that aren't exactly designed for the stride we feel this has been a worthy endeavor and challenge. Not to mention we are pushing 40 and we won't have too many chances to get back into this shape so maybe we can hold on to it?

15 days to fly!

Stu

It's Time to Fly!!!

Please check back here as we give updates on our last few weeks of training and the big race! Stu and Tashia

Update Soon

We were able to spend Christmas in Sioux Falls with all of our family, but didn't get our year end update done in time. Look for it around the New Year!

Merry Christmas!
Stu
Tashia
Abby
Isiaih

Continued Blessings

Since our last entry was in April, we decided to recap the entire year with an online Christmas Letter. It seems each year is full of challenges, excitement, joy, blessings, trials and pain. 2010 was no different.

The year was kicked off with a last minute trip to Mississippi in early January. We were able to meet and get acquainted with our new son. Due to weather, we ended up being there over 2 weeks. This gave us a time to bond with Isaiah, but was hard to leave Abby home that long. She was quite anxious to meet her little brother and is still quite fond of him. When he's having a tough time, she's good at getting him to laugh and smile.

Soon after in February we celebrated Abigail's 3rd birthday. Dora exploded in our house and we were able to give her some much deserved attention. Abby is quite the busy body and is always keeping us on our toes. She likes to help out when possible and loves time with anybody as she is quite social. Everyone age 2-6 is her "friend" in addition to the imaginary kind.



As in our last post, Isaiah kicked his O2 tank for good in April and hasn't looked back. Other than a few runny nose colds he has been quite healthy. We are quite thankful for wood floors as he has a very touchy gag reflex. He is over 21 lbs and on track with his adjusted age. He has mastered the army crawl and is beginning to climb where possible. Our main concern at this point is getting him through the winter without a chest cold, especially RSV. It's easy to forget he was ever that tiny!

Beginning April 23rd we have a string of tough dates though Aug 28th. It's a season of pain that we are glad to get through. It's mainly the week leading up to the big dates that are the hardest. We will always miss our boys Tony and James and they will never be replaced. Although having a healthy son does bring us healing and great joy. Occasionally we are brought back to bitter sweet memories that will always be with us. As a dear friend advised "It won't get better, but it will get easier". Profound words that we continue to understand.

Most days however are normal and spent enjoying life with our family. In June we were able to have a memorable trip to Island Lake near Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. This lake is full of great memories from Stuart's family and added a big one when he proposed there in July '04. This was our first trip back and it was great to be able to start the tradition with a new generation. We didn't bring a boat but there was much fishing, a bit of swimming, a lot of food and a great time with family and friends. It should be a highlight for years to come.

The fall turned a bit busier with a few different commitments. The church Awana program started again with the school year and Tashia is helping again this year. It's also Abby's first year and she has a blast with her "Cubbie" friends and leaders. It gives Dad and Son a night of male bonding.

In January Stuart accepted a Deacon position at church and in September this involved getting more involved with the worship and music on Sundays. He has kept busy leading worship on Sundays, organizing practices among other items. Also in September he began coordinating and facilitating another year of Financial Peace University classes. He enjoys being involved in both, but is glad that FPU only lasts 13 weeks. It gives us both a chance to share our experiences and how getting a handle on our debt and managing our finances has helped us through our trials and strengthened our marriage.

Late September we went with Stuart's parents down to Lincoln to the SDSU-Nebraska game and also took in the zoo there. Abby still talks about going to the "birdy-zoo" to help them fly. There was a kids exhibit and they had a few small animals and items. There was a dove there and her imagination seems to have expanded that experience.




Isaiah turned one on Oct. 2nd and we were able to celebrate a big milestone for us. Soon after on the 12th we celebrated "Abby Uken" day, which was the day that she officially became a Uken. She hadn't grasped the concept of time yet and thinks quite often that her birthday was yesterday or was tomorrow. We were able to give her another special day to celebrate for the 1st time.

Also in October we made the annual return to Brookings for Hobo Day. It's been a fun family weekend with the parade, football game and pool at the hotels. After missing last year, Stuart ran the 5k again with his brother Mike. Not sure he can keep up the making faster times, but has found getting back into shape is getting harder every year. The plan is to stay in shape... He also ran one in Ida Grove and ran as Uncle Sam with two high school friends in the July 4th race in Springfield.

Soon after Hobo Days, Stuart got to try being Mr. Mom for 2 weeks. Tashia had an emergency appendectomy (are they ever planned?). She was in pain and recovery was slow, but she is back on pace and her husband is a bit more humble, appreciative and understanding because of it.

Finally on November 5th, Isaiah's adoption was finalized. It was basically a formality, but we finally were able to celebrate his forever family day. We are continually amazed on how well our adopted children fit our family. Many times Mom is concerned that they take on too many of Dad's attributes. Abby spontaneously breaks out in silly songs like dad and Isaiah is already dancing to music and banging his hands to the beat.

This Sunday night Tashia helped with the Christmas Program at church and Abby participated for the 1st time. Dad brought the video camera and Abby didn't disappoint. We had a nose pick in the first minute and a few waves and yells at Dad and Isaiah throughout.

Early in the year Tashia was able to spend time at a much deserved scrap booking retreat. This year has been a challenge for her adjusting to raising two little ones full time and keeping this house running smooth. Of course Dad cheated again and used his parents to get through the weekend.

Stuart continues to enjoy working at Midwest Industries. This year he has transitioned more to the manufacturing side of engineering and less on the design side. It's an opportunity that he was interested in when we chose to move to Ida Grove and finds it both challenging and rewarding. He has been involved in a few major projects involving new machinery and process as well as the day to day interaction with fellow employees on the plant floor and support staff. As with most manufacturing 2009 was a tough year for the company, but 2010 was a decent year all things considered and 2011 looks to improve on that.

Looking back this year has been full of memories, hard work and great times with friends and family. We are continually amazed at how God pours his blessings on this family and we are always reminded of His love. Especially from all of your prayers and numerous ways you have all helped us along the way.

We hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and look forward to seeing and hearing from you next year.

Love,

Stuart, Tashia, Abby and Isaiah

Christmas Letter

Coming Very Soon!!

Isaiah Unplugged!

4 weeks ago this Sunday we went to Omaha for a sleep study to find out how much oxygen Isaiah needed. Well turns out he needs none! Much to our delight he has had no oxygen since that appointment and has been doing well. We still have a few tanks just in case, but it's made our life a bit easier.

He still gets a bit of medicine and nebulizer treatments twice a day. His feeding continues to do well and may have a touch of reflux. Isaiah had his first spoon of cereal soup tonight to train him on thicker food. Also, he had a bit of apple juice today as what goes in is not coming out very fast.

At his corrected age of 9 1/2 weeks, 12lbs 12oz and 24" puts him over the 50%. He is on track to break into the chart for his true age soon and there are really no worries at this point. His eye development has progressed to normal development and we have one more double check appt. for that tomorrow.


Miss Abby continues to keep us on our toes or is it back on our heels? The nice weather helps to get her out to burn off some energy. She takes all the attention she can get. We have kids her age on both sides of us and she can't wait to play with her friends every night.

Well that's it for tonight. We wanted to get a much overdue update on our family. As always, no news is good news.


Very thankful this Easter,

Stu, Tashia, Abby and Isaiah

Big Party - Big Boy

No news is good news right? It's been a bit busy, with a few expected trips, doctor visits and Abby's birthday, but everything else is par for the course with a newborn. We are hoping that this week is where we can get our routine started.

Isaiah has been doing very well. He has been gaining a lot of weight and is much bigger already than any baby we have had at 10lbs. All of his checkups and specialist appointments have went well and he is progressing nicely. We will continue to have more checkups that are routine for micro preemies but there are really no concerns other than him getting a cold at this point.

Our little man is going through the same phases as a 3-4 week old baby right now. This is fun to be a part of and it is still hard to believe that we get to experience this process. Having a baby boy seems to be bringing a new level of healing that only he could give us. Seeing other baby boys shouldn't cause us to feel the longing or loss we used to. We are so thankful for God's blessings!

The first few weeks were a bit rough for Abby and us to all adjust. We have all done a better job lately and seem to be acting like a family of four now. Sleep is still the biggest challenge right now. It takes Isaiah awhile to calm down at bedtime, but does a decent job sleeping. He eats around 10pm, 2am and 6am right now. Mom takes the first two feedings and Dad takes the last one before heading to work. The last stretch of a brutal winter doesn't help either.

Our Miss Abby is now 3 years old. We tried to really talk and play up her Party a few weekends ago. She really seems to like attending parties and really wanted to give her some attention with the new baby. Dora and her gang exploded in our house and she seemed to have had a good time with family including a few cousins.

She really likes to hold Isaiah and show him attention, but she isn't exactly the gentle sister. In so many ways she is like her dad. Since Dad spends plenty of time outside with all the snow moving, she likes to tag along and get out of the house. It will be nice after the weather improves and everything thaws and dries out. 3-year olds aren't meant to be cooped up inside!

This is a photo from the first weekend we were back home. We went to the local Family Dollar, to get a reward for Abby and we picked out this doll. While we were gone she named him Isaiah.

We can't say enough how much we appreciate all your prayers and support we have received over the past few years. Our family and friends are our biggest blessings!

Enjoying God's grace,

Stu, Tashia, Abby the Explorer and our 10lb Proud Angler

The Little Big Helper

Abby loves to help around the house and when she makes pizza with mom, she gets her own little batch. She had extra fun this time.


It's been hard to be away from Abby, but we had decided earlier that this was the best way. Now given the circumstances it affirms it was a good decision, but also harder than we thought. In November we were away from her for 7 days so we will be close to doubling. It's affecting mom the most as she spends the most time with her and most of her daily routine revolves around her.

She seems to be having a great time with those watching her as she hardly gives us a sentence on the phone:( But it may just be her way of dealing with it. We can't say enough about how much we appreciate those taking care of her while we are gone!!


This is Reina pulling Abby this weekend. Reina moved in with Grandpa and Grandma Uken last year to help with Stuarts allergies. Abby doesn't seem to miss her at home, but loves to play with her when they get reunited.

We are exited to see how Abby reacts when we get home. We are sure she will be trying to help take care of baby Isaiah from the get go. She already named one of her dolls after him and thinks he will be in her room right away. When asked if she wanted a baby brother or sister, she always said both! We will see if she's paitent on the sister part...

Isaiah has been eating and sleeping well and for the most part has his awake time during the day. He is a fairly calm baby and his rare crying is quite soft. We aren't complaining!

We got to watch Isaiah's Saints win on Sunday (we are only 1hr from NO). Daddy reminds him that Saints finish strong when he eats!

The storm surge from Katrina came just blocks from his hospital and it was a major emergency center after the storm. Everything seems to be cleaned up from the 2005 storm, but almost every residential beach front lost is still vacant and for sale.

We will be exited to introduce Isaiah to everyone when we return home. Just keep in mind that when we do venture out or if you visit that you may not be able to hold him due to the risk of catching a cold. Hopefully he gets strong this winter and it won't be as big of a conern in the future.

No word at this point of where the papers are at. We should know more tomorrow. After his appt. we will stop at a new hotel within an hour or two of the border. Needless to say we will be ready everyday to take off in a minutes notice.

Trying to patiently wait,

Stu, Tashia, Who Dat? Isaiah, and from far away Abby

He can send you anywhere from here

The truth found in James 4:13-15 is reality to us right now as it has been before. Anthony took us on a 2 week stint to Houston, TX. Now our latest son Isaiah sends us on the road to Mississippi with less than 24hrs notice. We knew it could happen fast and that we may be going to a state out of the region. Still, we were a bit unprepared, at least mentally for this.



About 3 weeks ago we opted to send our book to California for a baby due in February. We hadn't heard back on if we were picked and another baby in Louisiana was already born and leaving the hospital in a week. We again chose to send our book. 8 days ago Sunday at 5pm we got the call we were picked for the boy. He was ready to leave the hospital and he was actually in Mississippi on the coast. So we packed last minute for a 19 hour drive and up to a 10 day stay. It was a whirlwind to say the least.

We left Monday at noon and stopped at 9pm just south of St. Louis as neither of us are good night drivers. Tuesday at 4pm we arrived at the hospital and got to meet Isaiah for the first time. We agreed for one last night of good rest and began our "room in" with Isaiah the next day. After two days we brought him out to our temporary abode at the Hampton Inn just after lunch on Friday. We had originally hoped that the interstate paperwork would clear early and be able to leave Monday or Tuesday.

Well, God not only controls the where, but also the when. We learned that week long cold snap was too much for the deep south. The government building in Jackson that processes the papers was closed all week due to extensive water main breakages due to freezing. Also, Monday (today) is a holiday. So we reserved through Wednesday and will have an appointment 2 hrs north, then continue to the border for hopefully just a night or two. Then when we get word that the papers have cleard both states we will journey home.

Isaiah was actually born Oct 2nd of last year at 24-26 weeks and weighed 1lb 12oz. He has had a very difficult road to this point to say the least, but now is doing very well. He is now over 8lbs and his due date was originally this Wednesday. His journy may have more bumps in the road but we are hopeful that they won't be major. We had decided against a special needs child, but as we mentioned earlier, God had different plans.

Special needs is a broad term and Isaiah is probably on the light end of it at least at this point. He is currently on the lowest setting of oxygen and will probably be off that in the next few months. His biggest concerns are his eyes and his lungs. We have an appointment down here on Wednesday and hopefully it will show that his eyes are continuing to improve and will not need surgery. Due to his early arival plus his frequent and lengthy intubations he has chronic lung disease, which he should grow out of eventully. Catching a cold (RSV)or other virus is a major concern. He does have a few medications and treatments.

Compared to our first two boys, he demands much less time and precaution. However, due to his lungs we won't be venturing out much this winter. The cord from the oxygen tank isn't bad in the hotel room, but at home may be a bigger challenge. While he does have some minimal structural abnormalities (stridor) that give just a bit harder time breathing and sometimes a whistle you can hear. It was much worse a few weeks ago and hopefully will continue to improve as he grows.

With Tony and James, every little cough was a concern knowing that choking could follow and damage was taking place. We are getting used to not over reacting to that with Isaiah. It's also different holding a boy that has skin that doesn't blister from even a gentle touch. When Isaiah cries, which isn't very often, it's a comfort to know it's only from normal pain or need that any baby experiences. We didn't have Abby during most of her "baby" months, so we didn't have a chance to get over having a so called normal child.

We won't know for certain why we are here for an extended stay, but I'm sure dealing with these issues and our past is a benifit of this time. We are also making the most of this time by bonding with him, which is really important in the adoption process. Since not even grandparents can hold him the first week, it's actually easier for them!!





Well, we have much more to say about Isaiah and Abby, but will end this post for the day with plans to add more tomorrow in case we don't have internet at the next stop. We will have more pictures coming so be sure to check back.

While, we didn't sign up for a child like Isaiah, we know without a doubt that He was chosen for us. He is already a huge blessing in our lives and we look forward to bringing him home to meet everybody. You just won't be all able to hold him
right away.

Please pray for patience, for Abby and those caring for her, for us missing Abby and for Isaiah's continued progress in his health.

Trying to patiently wait,

Stu and Tashia and Little Man

Course is set. Destination: only God knows

Times flies and yet again we haven't done well updating our blog. Well, hopefully now it's expected as the norm. I'm sure when the adoption process begins to finish there will a bit of a flurry of posts. It's bad when you have to re-read old posts to see where we left off.

Wow, now I really feel bad seeing that when we last left you we were "leaning toward infant adoption" and now we have been approved to adopt!!! We did decide on infant adoption, open to any race/gender 0-3 months and open or closed adoption. Our only exclusions were major disabilities or major substance abuse of parent as we aren't confident that we would be ready for that.

We have completed all the paperwork. Which is like buying a house except the background checks are much more intensive. Three home study visits are complete: two at a neutral site and one at the "home". Home study has been approved. Online courses are completed. One last day of classes in Blue Earth this Saturday (12/5), but we are already in the "pool".

I say pool because it's not really a waiting list. The birth mothers choose the adoptive parents by looking at their photo album showing their family. We did ours online and it's basically a scrapbook with a letter at the front. Here is the if you would like to view it.

Our agency, New Horizon's works in 3 states and we could get a child from any of SD, Minn or Iowa. If they have too many waiting families and we are open to it (we are) they will also move some to a North Carolina affiliate.

Also, if they still need more outlets, they have a Christian network of agencies that we could be sent to, but those are a bit more expensive and we will make that call if we come to it. We were surprised to find out that families in northern states are about 2x as likely to adopt an African American baby as those in the south.

So far we have been very impressed by New Horizons as they are very thorough and provide an excellent service and keep expenses much lower than others. This was the main reason we chose them from a few others. They really do their best to protect the adoptive families while providing every bit of help and assistance for the mothers and child as well. They even take the mother out for a shopping day and spend some money for their new size of clothes after they have the baby.

After going through the preliminary process, we are confident they are also picking the best families to raise these children and are humbled to be approved for 1 or 2(twins) children. If you ask Abby if she wants a brother or a sister, firmly and consistently says "no, I need both". Seems our pastor isn't the only one praying for multiples for us. (He has triplets, oh my)

This came about a bit faster than we expected as we were planning on needing some time to raise funding for this as we estimate it will total about $18,000 when we are complete. There is a tax credit, but that would have taken a few years to recoup back that investment so we didn't want to use loans or credit. Not a surprise for Financial Peace University grads right?

Anyway we were totally amazed to have almost all of that amount gifted to us in advance from family and church friends, unsolicited. We can't really truly be surprised anymore after the way God has blessed us already in life, but we will always be amazed and humbled!! And very thankful. Isn't God Great?!! Needless to say, this gave us the "kick in the pants" we needed and is the main reason we are at this point in just a few months. I must add that Tashia was very motivated! It has been exiting to have this support.

So, we are now waiting for news of when a mother chooses us. She may be in early or late pregnancy, even the day of birth. There is a decent chance that she would change her mind, but it would be before we take possession. Once the baby is born we would be able to visit during the waiting period while it is in foster care. When the waiting period is complete, which is days or a few weeks depending on the state, the baby would be ready to be placed. After this point it is very very rare that there would be any risk of losing the baby after this point. One of the many benefits to using an agency.

Hurry and wait. Tashia seems to be a bit more anxious, but not quite nervous at this point of not knowing when, where or how much. It could be quick as in weeks or it could up to or over a year, but not likely that long. We both are confident in God's timing and that he already knows the plans for our life as always. We do have names almost finalized.

All that and such a small part of everything else that goes on with life. We will try to fill in a few other details of the summer. Thankfully November has been great weather after Oct.

We are ready for snow as we put in a new sidewalk running along the boulevard in front of our house. It was to the point of getting a notice from the city. Stuart is definitely looking forward to at least one snow to try out scooping the smooth walk. He put it in with some big help from friends. Small town has it's privileges.

There was also a medium sized maple tree behind the house that needed to go from huge trunk damage and rot. We hired a neighbor to cut off the top of the tree and Stuart felled the tree by digging around the roots and cutting them off. Then he was a bit too exited to use his chainsaw for the first time in a few years. It only took one day, the last time he dug out a stump it took a few months and was more than he bargained for. Some say he is frugal, but he actually enjoys it. I'm sure the therapists have a named condition for it.

The summer was also relaxing, but we didn't get around to camping until the weekend before labor day for one night. It had been a few years and we found out that Iowa has plenty of red necks too. Abby had fun and we hope to do much more this year depending on how adoption works into it.

We had a few nice days playing and picnics in the city parks, parades, bike rides, running and just relaxing in the yard. Abby has a pair of children her age on each side of us and it's fun to see them all play after work. Stuart ran two 5k's and Tashia ran her first in Ida Grove. She only planned on walking it as she had trouble with injuries but she amazed us all and ran almost the whole thing on a very muggy morning. Seems we are both stubborn and persistent, usually in a good way.

Stuart has been battling sinus infections more in the recent years since his successful surgery 8 years ago. He had another one done last week that went well and is trying to get over the infection after 10 weeks of antibiotics. We go in tomorrow for a follow-up. He is very anxious to getting back to exercising as it is very draining. Tashia has done a great job putting up with him as many know he gets rather crabby with them. Especially if he's hungry as well!

Work has been slow at Midwest for Stuart. This has created many challenges and exiting opportunities for him and things are looking up for the start of the year.

We just finished 13 weeks of Financial Peace University. Stuart led the discussion group and Tashia ran the nursery. She deserves a raise:) It went well and is a very impressive and worthwhile program.

Two weeks ago we traveled up to the twin cities for the SDSU football game and from there Tashia and Stuart continued on to Chicago, while Abby spent the week with Nana and Pappa Uken. Stuart attended two full days of FABTECH, a fabrication expo show for work, while Tashia relaxed at the hotel. Who would have thought that the third week of November would be that bearable there.

We had one day and three nights to see the sites and get a "taste" of Chicago. The Cloud Gate at Millenium park was interesting, Navy Pier was good, but would be better in the summer. The food was good, but there were highs and lows. The highs were without a doubt Garrett's popcorn and Portillo's hot dogs. Yes that's right popcorn and hot dogs. Gino's pizza was a bit of a let down and Big Bowl Thai was a bit too much different than typical Thai.


Wrapping this up, we did an great outdoor photo shoot in Sioux Falls. We were very pleased with the shoot and the pictures. See for yourself, after clicking the link, go to "proof" and type "abby". Two very pretty ladies huh? Editors note: And a pretty handsome guy if I do say so myself.


Hope that was all coherent and I'm sure we missed a few things, but those should be the big highlights.



Trying to be still and wait,

Stu and the Glamor Girls


PS - Thanks for those that continue to check the un-updated blog. It encourages us to keep this going and we are thankful for your faithful visits. And thanks for all your continued prayers during the adoption process.

PPS - Also, please pray for a friends family as their immediate safety is a concern. Pray also for the individual suffering from depression.

Bitter Sweet

Anthony's birthday falls on Father's Day this year. We remember all our children on these type of days, but the boys' birthdays and the day they passed on to a better life are tough in their own way. Even after three years they hit us a few days before. We get moody and crabby with each other and don't realize right away that it still affects us.

They do get a bit easier with every year that passes, but they are still hard. There are so many of these days in the first half of the year now for us. Memorial day weekend is also hard. Still one more date to go in August. We especially appreciate those that remember these days with us and bring up our boys and experiences in conversations with us. I'm not sure that we would ever not want to talk about them.

Our memorial garden turned out very well and only have a plant or two to add. Dad worked really hard for a few days to get it done as he has issues with wrapping up projects. This one was important to us and was a constructive way to spend remembering James on his birthday. As you can see, Abby was a big help with the project and loves to be doing what ever Daddy is doing. He really appreciates a daughter that isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. It really is uncanny how much she is like her Dad.

Abby continues to amaze us and bring joy into our lives everyday. We are in the middle of potty training (for the 3rd time) and she seems to be ready for it this time. She has been doing very good as it finally clicked. Now if she would only go #2 we would be good to go. We also used cloth training pants this time so she gets wet when she has an accident. Pull ups are great in concept but don't seem to faze our Miss Abby as it is to much like a diaper to her. Dad is having a hard time adjusting to all the ins and outs though.

She loves to talk and carry on conversations which are tough to follow. Usually if you can pick out a word, you can figure out what she is talking about. What Abby lacks in size, she has in agility and determination. Here she is climbing up a fairly steep slide at the secluded park that Dad takes her to.


Dad finally broke down and Mom purchased a DVD for the van for "long trips" only. You can see that it helps pass the time well.

This weekend is our Heritage Days for Ida Grove with a run/walk, duck race, rides, eating and parade. So daddy has been training for a 5K run and mommy of course injured herself so will be walking the 5K. Mommy thinks it is God's way of telling her she is not a runner. Although we know that is just her excuse. But she has been working our hard again to lose weight and get into shape. With potty training she doesn't have much time to do much else.

Grandpa and Grandma Uken will be coming down this week and we are all going to Omaha for a few days. Abby hopes to meet Elmo live at the Children's museum and we will also go to the zoo and a few other attractions. It's only an 1 1/2 hours from here, but we don't get there often enough.

We are trying to enjoy this summer as we haven't been able to take advantage of that the last few years. We haven't camped yet, but would like to soon. This fall we will begin to pursue plans to expand our family if it's God's will. We are strongly leaning to adopting an infant if possible.

Thanks for checking in on us and hope to see you soon. We aren't the best at posting on the blog anymore, but you can take that as a sign that things are going very well for us.


Until next time,

Stu, Tashia and Abby in training

We really miss our Little Dude

James' birthday is Thursday 4/23. Just like Tony's, it sneaks up on us and pretty much hits us harder than we are used to. We will be out of town three different weekends in May so we decided not to go back to SF to visit the grave site next week. Instead we will be working on the boys' memorial garden in front our house.

We started it last year by clearing out the juniper bushes. This morning Stuart moved the two big rocks, one has to be at least 400lbs. Then he removed some stone edging, leveled the dirt and arranged small retaining wall blocks and plastic edging to finish the design side. It was lightly raining so it was a bit messy but not a major obstacle.

Next week we will need to fill in the low spots and behind the blocks with dirt. We hope to be able to get the mulch and plant flowers on Saturday. It should give us something constructive to do while still remembering him.

Last night we attended the Michael W. Smith/Steven Curtis Chapman concert in the Sioux City Orpheum along with a few friends. We all had a great time. We both enjoy their music and they played a few songs that are very special to us. It was emotional at times but also healing. Chapman spent time talking about his trial and that was an encouragement to us.

Abby is still amazing us every day. She's just a wonderful little girl and brings us such joy. It's quite the mix of emotions that we can experience. It's a concrete example of "joy amidst the pain". She is still as social as ever and loves to go to the park with her friends.

We haven't moved too far on either Adoption or Foster care. There isn't a big rush for us and still seem to change our thoughts on it week to week. We are planning on enjoying this spring and summer. But we know all too well it will depend on what God has planned for us.

Thanks for all of you that continue to pray for us.

Looking forward to our boys again,

Stu, Tashia and Abby

Happy 2nd Birthday Abby!!

The weekend started out with Nana and Papa coming Friday night for the weekend. Followed by Uncle Mike and Cara coming today to help celebrate her birthday. We decided not to do big parties as she is only 2 and won't remember yet. We had lunch, an Elmo cake and presents. Which she enjoyed. Although she wouldn't have cared if anyone including mommy and daddy were there as long as Uncle Mike was here. She loves her Uncle Mike. Thanks Uncle Mike and Cara for making the drive down. We celebrated with Tashia's family last weekend and Abby had lots of fun playing with her cousins Cadin, Kenzie, Landon and Kallie. She also enjoyed her presents. Thanks for the gifts. We will update again soon with pictures but wanted to at least post a Happy Birthday on her birthday.

Happy Birthday Abby!!

We love you!!

A New Year

Dad decided to put Abby in a box against her will. Once in there she wouldn't come out! Our first round of potty training had mixed results. We decided to back off and wait longer. She wants to use it periodically, she just doesn't "use" it.

Abby has been growing fast and you can't tell she was a premie anymore. She's been in a toddler bed now for a few months. We just weened Mom off of staying in the room until she's asleep.

Tashia is going away for the weekend to scrapbook with friends. It's her first time away and dad's 1st time with Abby. He could stay and brave it alone, but instead will head back to enlist the help of the grandparents. It wasn't too hard to talk them into it!

We continue to be amazed at the billing system of heath care. Yesterday we received a two page bill for 20 cents! This was due to paying a bill one day late. They were aware that we had to reprocess the claim (another story). The funny thing is, we know that if we do not pay this that we will eventually have a collection agency after us. This happened when we were not aware that we had an outstanding bill of less than $2 to another heath facility. Thought we would share our amusing experience. We may have someone we know drop by and give them a quarter. They can keep the change. (Don't get us started on HIPAA)

Well, back to our family. Many ask us what's next on our plans for children. We still want more and have decided not to have any more on our own. It's not that we are afraid that we couldn't do it if we had another EB child. We know God would see us through again.

Through time and prayer we are still feeling led to adopt a child. We would really love another infant as we have yet to care for a child between 2 and 7 months old and really like caring for babies.

We are just beginning the process of getting information and deciding which avenue to take. Financially we are getting ourselves ready so we can act when the opportunity presents itself. We know it can take years and would like to fill an immediate need if possible. So, we are also looking into foster care. Again, that is also a process with it's own risks and trials.

Our desire long term would be to adopt and/or foster older children that are unable to get placed. Before that we would like to raise our children for experience and also to be role models for those youth.

All of this is going to require us to be patient and wait on God's timing. It could turn out that this is not where he wants to lead us, but we sure hope so!

Blessings to you all this year,

Stu, Tashia and Abby-in-a-box

Time Flies, Kids Grow

We can't believe that it's been since before our trip that we last posted. Our trip was great and we sure needed the rest and time alone together. We took advantage of the area in many ways. Our favorites were seeing Mt. Rushmore at night, hiking Harney Peak and riding the 1880 train between Hill City and Keystone.

As you can see Abby is growing, we were moving stuff around and she tried out the baby swing one last time. She just moved to the toddler bed a few weeks ago and hopefully the potty chair is next :) She loves watching her movies and her favorite is her Boz dvds.

Hopefully we will get a chance to post more and update our online album over the colder months. Just know if we don't post, things are probablly going well for us. We suggest suscribing to the blog so you can get an email when we update the blog.

As always, we appreciate your prayers as we are starting to think and pray about growing our family. It was decided awhile ago not to have children on our own any more and will soon medically take that option away.

We are at peace with this decision, but it does make us sad to be reminded why. It's hardest for us when time goes by and we don't take time to remember our boys. It eventually hits us when we don't expect it.

There is a song that we found recently that is special to us. It's "Yours" by Steven Curtis Chapman. Earlier in the year He lost his youngest 5 year old daughter, who was adopted. He added a new verse to the end of this song and it sums up how we have hope and joy through the loss we have experienced. We encourage you to download/buy the new version of the song as all the proceeds will go to his adoption chairty.


Thankful that God is in control,

Stu, Tashia and Abby

Change of Plans

A few days after we posted last we changed our trip plans from Maine to the Black Hills. We finally found good prices for flights, but it would mean driving to Omaha and flying into NH. We weren't able to use frequent flier miles like we had hoped. The next morning the prices went up but we weren't ready to book, then they jumped again that night.

We discussed our original options and decided that a trip to the Black Hills would not only be cheaper but would also fit our goals better for the trip. This trip is to reconnect and strengthen our marraige. Flying to a new destination and having to plan, see and do would likely get in the way. It's still on the list, but will be another year.

This will also allow us to use the Labor Day Holiday weekend without worrying about expensive and busy airlines. We will start the vacation off on Thursday as we will go to Ames to watch SDSU play Iowa St in football. Then on Friday we will go to Sioux Falls to spend time at Life Light and with our family before we leave Abby with Papa and Nana Uken and take off for the Hills early Sunday.

We have a bed and breakfast near Hill City reserved from Sunday night until we leave Saturday morning. Stuart is familiar with the area and we will do some moderate sight seeing, but will still leave plenty of time to relax and enjoy the area.

The last few weeks were a little busy with less sleep. We helped with VBS last week, which was in the evening and we also had our wood floors on the main level refinished. Tashia went back to SF for a day with Abby. This meant we had to fit everything into our kitchen, laundry and porch. They turned out well and we are proud to say that we now have pictures on the wall in less than 1 year this time!!

Abby kicked this week off with a high fever that lasted four days. Her temp was hitting 105 with both Tylenol, Ibuprophen and sponge baths. It was likely Roseola, which is a low risk viral infection that infects kids under 4. She did get the tell tale rash after her fever broke. This was very tough for us in two ways. As with any parent, it's hard to see your children suffer with nothing you can do to help them. It's amplified after what we have been through with our sons. All we long for is healthy children at this point.

Even though we trust in God's plan and have no reason to believe that he would take Abby, we still have to contend with the fear that we would lose her. This was very strong as we went to the clinic not knowing if it was a severe infection and then a few days later to the ER after the fever kept going up. We have been there too much.

Otherwise things have been going well. Stuart has been golfing more this summer. He will also be traveling to East Iowa next weekend. There is a mandatory meeting relating to hunting on the Iowa Army Ammunition Plant land in Burlington Iowa where he plans on hunting in December. It's a large area of federal land surrounding the plant and drawings are held to gain hunting access. He will be joining a college friend and others.

Tashia continues to do much better at the fitness plan the Stuart. She's well on her way to her goal and has decided to join Stuart in running the Hobo Day 5k this fall. She had a slight setback with a painful foot, but thankfully that went away and wasn't a fracture or sprain as we had feared.

James' gravesite marker has been placed and we are anxious to see it. It's nice to have his and the others' pictures on the walls now. Hopefully after Stuart gets back the memorial garden will make it to the next phase.

That's it for now.

Trying to stay cool, fit, and healthy,

Stuart, Tashia and Little Miss Abby